CLIENT, KNOW THY LANDSCAPER!

"I want a garden that my kids can enjoy." (Said the client before the garden was transformed into a formal, colourless, lifeless CHILDPROOF courtyard - well, the kids can stick their hand in the designer waterwall I guess)

  

"I only have one hour spare a week, so I would like a low maintenance courtyard." (Trust me; a pathway of white pebbles underneath palm trees and Jacarandas is anything but)

"I don't want any bamboo. None. No, not even the Himalayan Blue Weeping bamboo. I DON'T LIKE BAMBOO." (Really? Are you sure? Because this variety is much more beautiful than the ordinary green bamboo. Why don't you just look at the some photos?? I saw it at a spa retreat in Japan and it looked FABULOUS...)

These may seem like simple requests. A landscaper's primary purpose is to satisfy the client (or customer if you will) and at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how many visions of grandeur, elaborate, extravagant ideas or 'inspiration' the landscaper has, it all means a steaming pile of Jack Shoe IF IT'S NOT WHAT THE CLIENT WANTS...

If the client doesn't want a tropical garden, don't even bother trying to convince them that  the newest Cordyline cv. is the 'must-have' plant of the month. (Advisable even if they DO want a tropical garden)

A landscape designer is not worth their weight in axonometric drawings if they cannot create a garden that meets the criteria. Sure, they are good designers and that's why you hire them in the first place. However; they should be able to take into account what you want - when you say you don't want a severed Buddha's head as a garden feature, you should know damn well at the end of the day your place isn't going to look like the Oriental Tower of London.

An important thing to do is to ask for a maintenance schedule. This will outline what YOU need to do immediately after work is completed and during the following months and years. Most landscapers will guarantee the plants for three months, but after that if they die it is YOUR fault. Don't hold it against them if they told you to water them and you didn't.

So, here are a few simple tips when picking a landscaper:

1. Look at their work! Not just the overall look, but the details. Is everything planted correctly, at the right depth? Did the plants survive past three months? Are the pavers laid straight? Did it stick to the budget? Seems obvious but worth observing. A recommendation is always welcome..

2. Enthusiasm, people! If your tradie of choice shows up late, moaning about this and that and how they are tired of the game, time to send them out the door. Complacency has no place when making a garden.

3. Maintenance, schmaintenance? Hell no! Landscapers with a background in garden maintenance have a good feel for what works and what doesn't, what grows quickly and what grows like a three-toed sloth. Having a narrow strip of grass running between three kinds of river stones may be 'aesthetically pleasing', but it is as sure as shit going to be a bastard in its upkeep. Planting a small leaf hedge or spiky plants around a pool is, well, just stupid.. Get it?

4. You can drag a whore to culture.....

Yes, the old adage is true.. A lot of landscaping companies are superb at construction, but have limited to no plant knowledge. That's why the Murraya, Photinia, Cycad, Cordyline and Buxus industries have survived the recession of late and why so many gardens look the bloody same. There is no point spending thousands on a great crazy-paved entertaining area when the surrounding plants look like something Marrickville Council dreamt up on a bad day. So research their plant selection and knowledge..

5. "I know what I like, but what do you like..?" "Whatever you like..."

Ugh. Pathetic. If your budget is $X, don't be talked into blowing it out to $X,XXX,XXX. A good landscaper should be able to work within limits. 

If you don't want a giant Noughts & Crosses board on one wall of your courtyard, just say no! I don't care how fun and trendy the landscaper says it is. (You know who you are....)

It is your garden and you have to live with it. If you do not ask the right questions about design and especially maintenance, you may end up with THIS:

Photo credit: bushnellhouse.com

Oh god! GOD NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

TREE OF DEATH....

Happy Halloween, weirdos!

Dude, I can see through thyme!

Good ol' nature..   

She sure provides us with some top class entertainment. What could be better than taking a stroll through the jungle, checking out all the awesome plants, stumbling across the odd frog or two and chilling out under the stars with a frosty cold Coopers..

Oh yes, that's right.

DOING ALL THESE THINGS ON ACID.

On a recent trip to SE Asia, I came across some pretty weird and wacky little numbers. Through a strange series of circumstances, I was lucky enough to be invited on a trip to Endau Rompin national park in Malaysia to collect various propagation materials. At the time, there was a mass fruiting of the local Dipterocarps (which I have been told only happens every 5 years or so), and these rad people from FRIM were collecting seeds in preparation for eventual (hopeful) reforestation. A lot of the area has been cleared for Oil Palm plantations, and many of the Dipterocarps are only found in small stands and isolated pockets of forest.... ahhh!


ANYWAY.


As incredible as it was to be cruising around in the understorey, one couldn't help but wish they had smuggled some little tiny squares of hilarity into the forest..... Especially when THIS is what's growing in there...

(Top to bottom:  Bauhinia sp., Pterisanthes eriopoda, Selaginella wildenowii, Stingless Bee cocoon, random fungus, Fern)


Not to mention the miles of Mimosa pudica, whose leaves fold up when touched (giving it the cute common name of Shy Plant)

I mean, seriously. Still not convinced?
Earlier, in Singapore, came across these bizarre sights. They are bizarre enough stone cold sober, let alone accompanied by our friend Sid..

Firstly, the seed propagation of the Coco-De-Mer palm looks like some kind of sex game...

Below looks like a regular pineapple but the fruit of this particular Ananas sp. is about as big as a golf ball. Which side of the mushroom did you eat, Alice?

And thirdly, the tall, weird and wonderful Polyalthia longifolia var. pendula. Who wouldn't want these giant, shaggy wizards towering over them as their eyeballs are exploding and the entire city is neon lights?

I rest my case.

Hidey Ho, neglecterinos!

I do like to occasionally get out to my back garden. The 'lawn' (weeds) has been whipper-snipped, the fermenting piles of cumquats have finally been disposed of, and more often than not I am met with a few surprises. (Mostly that nothing's died due to neglect. Let's just say that if the plants were kids, DOCS would have my rear-end in the slammer.)

I would be confident in saying that most people have a plant or two in their garden that they bought year ago then completely forgot about, right? Relegated to the back corner when the thrill has worn off, then one day you're out there harvesting the millionth bunch of spinach and you notice said plants are DOING SOMETHING COOL....?

Yep, guilty as charged..

I bought this fella in a 6" pot three years ago. After moving house a couple of times, the beautiful Lepiderema pulchella (Fine Leaf Tuckeroo) flowered for the first time this year. It is a small rainforest tree that really isn't used often enough. In fact at a recent job we planted two of them as feature trees, and the dude from the nursery said they were the first two he'd picked out since they'd been growing them. Sheesh!

Close up of the flowers in the axils.

In Sydney it will probably get to about 5m. New growth is a pale, pinky-green and flushes occur throughout the growing season. The fruits are vivid orange and one Stirling Macoboy reckons it is 'spectacular in fruit'. Ahhh Macoboy, always enamoured.

Another cheeky little number that flowered prolifically this year is Libertia paniculata. It is a small clumping plant from the east coast. I have it in a pot that gets about an hour of morning sun a day in its current location, then dappled for the rest of the arvo.

Oh you tease!

Easily divided, great under trees, good substitute for Liriope.
I often suggest Libertia paniculata to people who want English-style underplantings (Iris, Hellebore etc) and "can't stand natives".


When will they ever learn......

Sugarloaf.... sweet as!

Ahhhh spring.... with its unpredictable wild, windy and most importantly RAINY weather, it presents me with an abundance of opportunities to SLACK OFF WORK. This time around I managed to spend an entire hour wandering aimlessly through the Sugarloaf/Harold Reid reserve in Middle Cove. Flowers everywhere... Pultenaea stipularis, Patersonia sericea, Xylomelum pyriforme, Lambertia formosa, Comesperma ericinum and all the old faithfuls were there goin' crazy. However, the really awesome find of the day was the seldom seen Erythrorchis cassythoides (Black Bootlace Orchid). This dude is a leafless, climbing orchid, utilising tiny little hooks to get to get around and feeding on dead organic matter. Out of the three large specimens I spotted, one was about 2m off the ground and flowering profusely. Check it out!

                                                                                                                                                                        

                                                                                     
                                                                                     

It really is quite spectacular!









                                 

  The leafless stem arises from the ground
                                                                        
                   

   
   









                                    Pultenaea stipularis is very common,
though no less attractive.

Xylomelum pyriforme trunk showing characteristic flaky/scaly bark and holly-like juvenile leaves. The prominent venation is handy for ID.




Have to wait a while to get a snap of the fruit, which looks like a woody pear (hence the common name Woody Pear)

This is one sexy tree... notoriously difficult to propagate... nuts.

 

This is the nicest small specimen I have seen of this plant. Thanks to the dude from Willoughby Council who pointed it out to me. Cheers!